Who was it that once said that having a baby is like chucking a hand grenade into a relationship? Once a baby or babies come long it can be all too easy to let the romance slide as you get caught up with family life and pour all your energies into your children.
Today’s guest blog is from Andrew G Marshall - a marital therapist and author of the new book ‘I love you but you always put me last: How to childproof your marriage’ published by Macmillan, £12.99. He gives some tips on how to keep the spark alive. We also have five copies of his new book to giveaway.
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How to keep the spark alive with your partner – even if you have small kids
You got together because you and your partner enjoyed having fun together but after 
having children it’s easy to be overwhelmed with the serious business of bringing them up, running a house and paying the bills. However, you can still be lovers even when you’re parents. So if you want to protect your loving connection or get back the spark, here’s two simple ideas (and five suggestions on how to put them into practice).
Romance
Romance helps build sexual energy and the planning involved shows that your partner is on your mind – even when you’re apart. So when one of you decides to initiate lovemaking, romance has already got the engine running rather than trying to start from cold.
Five top tips
- The power of romance is increased by novelty. So don’t do what you’ve always done but add an element of surprise.
- Add a new dimension to the ordinary: Take your partner out for breakfast, meet for lunch, leave a chocolate on your partner’s pillow, dress up and look nice even though you’re staying in.
- Bring back memories: Watch a romantic movie that you both enjoyed when first dating, look at your wedding photos or video together, put on a favourite song and dance in the living room. Go somewhere with special associations.
- Be sensual: Have a bath together, wash each other’s hair, give each other a massage, build a camp fire and stare into the flames, light a scented candle, read a poem out loud.
- Give small presents: Buy flowers, novelty gifts (like a cuddly alien toy), a piece of jewellery or music your know your partner will enjoy. Express gratitude for something that could easily be taken for granted.
Flirting
It gives your partner a bundle of sexual energy and seeing if he or she sends it back – hopefully with interest. It says ‘I’m still attracted to you’, reveals something about your heart, builds romance and boosts your partner’s self-esteem. However, it is important to stress that flirting is playful and fun – rather than a demand for sex.
Five top tips
- The secret of flirting is to start small. Start at the non-sexual end with a complement
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and then move onto something a little more explicit and only later make sexually charged overtures.
- At a distance: Leave a sweet message somewhere only he or she will find it, send a saucy text, tell your partner what you’re going to do to him or her when he or she gets home
- Casual touch: Rub your leg against his or leg in a restaurant, gently touch your partner’s face, stroke your partner’s hair.
- Teasing: Play peek a boo (look from behind the menu in a restaurant and then hide your eyes). Show him that you’re wearing something naughty – like a garter – under your dress. Show her you’ve bought a small present but not let her open it until later. Tickle your partner.
- Kisses: Give an extra long kiss when your partner comes home, kiss with your eyes open, kiss him or her somewhere unexpected, vary your kisses (try lots of little butterfly kisses on the neck followed by blowing a raspberry on the stomach).
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Andrew G Marshall’s new book ‘I love you but you always put me last: How to childproof your marriage’ is published by Macmillan, £12.99. We have five copies to giveaway. To enter simply leave a comment on this blog post and from all comments received by midnight on 31st October we will pick 5 lucky winners. Usual Netmums terms and conditions apply.
Find out more about Andrew G Marshall and his work here http://www.andrewgmarshall.com
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Find out more on how to keep the spark alive over on netmums:
How to keep the spark alive after a new baby
Date night ideas that don’t break the bank
Spice it up with 100 sex positions to try
